get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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