I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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