some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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