Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
