I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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