Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
