ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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