I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
