he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
