the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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