R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
