just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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