ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
