I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
