you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
