After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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