What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
