Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
