I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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