I skipped work to stalk him.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
