i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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