Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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