I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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