Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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