Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
