you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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