he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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