Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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