and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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