u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
