this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
