just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
