I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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