I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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