i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
