I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
