I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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