oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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