if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
