Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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