he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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