My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
