Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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