shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
