Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
