I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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