shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
