its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
