she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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