I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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