"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
